Picture
by samanddianefan10
Summary: Song-fic to "Picture". Margaret and Hawkeye reflect upon the state of their marriage
1. Chapter 1

_I called you last night in the hotel_

_Everyone knows but they won't tell_

_But their half –hearted smiles tell me _

_Something's just not right_

_-Picture by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock_

Margaret was nervous. After all, it was not like she hadn't been on a date before. Her carefully selected sapphire deep cut gown lay before her on the bed. The satin fabric felt cool and smooth in her hands as she picked it up and held it against her chest. The dress had cost her a week's salary but it was well worth it in her opinion. This dress was sure to capture the attention of a certain dark haired surgeon from Crabapple Cove, Maine. If only she was meeting her soon to be ex-husband instead of a blind date.

Maine. Its winters were harsh, as everyone had warned her they would be. But its seasons were colorful and eventful. Outdoor music events and fine dining existed to keep her and her husband busy throughout the warm summer season. She'd grown quite accustomed to the lifestyle of a doctor's wife and all of the luxuries it afforded. Her career as a nurse was keeping her busier than ever; she was often called in for overtime and was considered the go-to person for emergencies.

And yet something was missing. It wasn't a child, for she and Hawkeye had long agreed that they did not feel the need to bring a child into the world. For Hawkeye, it would bring back too many traumatic memories of his breakdown in Korea and it was simply not worth the risk. He had witnessed too many horrors and did not really want to bring a new life into a world that was capable of such atrocious acts such as the ones found in war. As for Margaret, having a child simply did not fit into her plans. She'd found her fulfillment through her career and her husband. Once upon a time, she'd thought that having a baby would have been nice. But married life was satisfying, at least it had been, and not having children had its advantages. She could work a schedule without worrying about childcare. True, she'd often worked night shift and slept during the day. Often she'd wondered if that wasn't part of her and Hawkeye's problem. She and Hawkeye could pack up and go on weekend trips at any given time. Most importantly, she had time to work on her relationship. Up until now, it had been working out nicely, too.

But it was time to move forward, like all of her friends told her. She'd done her share of crying. Ever since Hawkeye told her that he wanted out she'd been a total wreck. She'd thrown herself into her job, as usual. But she couldn't eat, and she could barely sleep. She'd lost five pounds that she could barely afford to spare. Finally she'd gotten to the point where she'd had enough. She had to move on. They were fighting all the time and saying the most hurtful things to each other. It wasn't that they didn't love each other. She refused to believe that. But they were both so much alike: passionate, stubborn, and proud. Maybe they were too much alike. But it didn't matter, not to Hawkeye. He just didn't love her anymore, not enough to stay married to her. He did not say that in those exact words but he did not have to. He asked her for a divorce.

_I've been waiting on you for a long time_

_Fueling up on heartache and cheap wine_

_I ain't heard from you in _

_Three damn nights_

Margaret looked down at her finger and saw her wedding ring. It was a painful reminder of the past five years of her life. Not all of them were bad. They were good ones, except for the past six months. Tears fell down her face as the reality of the situation hit her. Her marriage was over and she was off to see another man. The possibility that she was making a colossal mistake had crossed her mind. But it had dawned on her that Hawkeye was not waiting around, and she was just beating him to the punch. He'd never wanted for female companionship. There were rumors of a new girl hanging around his circle of friends and it would not have surprised her in the least if he had his eye on her. Nothing surprised her about Hawkeye anymore. She'd had her suspicions about those two, not that she would give him the satisfaction of admitting them. All that would do was cause another fight, and she was not sure she could handle one more. There had been more than enough already, and she was tired. It wasn't as if they were talking anyways, except through their lawyers. There really wasn't anything left to say. They'd said everything they needed to say on that fateful last night when he walked out the door. And now here she was getting ready for her first date with another person in five years.

She was tired of the fighting, tired of the late nights waiting for him to come home when he was God knows where. He was coming home just when she was leaving for work, without saying a word as to where he'd been. He was with friends, but whether or not these friends were of the female persuasion only Hawkeye knew. There was a time when she would have never questioned his loyalty. The very notion of him cheating would have made her laugh. She was sure he had not cheated, but her jealousy was out in full force. She was jealous of his friends and of that part of his life that was closed off to her. But how could she not be jealous? They had not been intimate in a few months. They had once been best friends, lovers, and life partners. For months now they had been strangers sharing a house, if not a bed. Margaret admitted that taking the night shift might have had something to do with the distance between them. But the chance to be the head nurse at the most prestigious hospital in the nearest major city had been too great to pass up. And it was supposed to have been temporary. Three months had turned into six, and yet she was still waiting for the day shift position to open up. Hawkeye never would have asked her to give up her job, but now she wished he would have.

Margaret reached over to her chestnut chest of drawers and pulled out the framed picture of Hawkeye in his captain's uniform that she had tucked away. She touched the glass, lingering over his face longer than she meant to. There was so much about him she was going to miss. Most of all, she would miss the way he made her laugh. Even in the worst of times, in the grueling pressure of the operating room in Korea he would pull off a fast joke. Often times it was at her expense, but in reality she did not mind. He had a way of charming himself back into her good graces despite her vows to never speak to him again. She could forgive everything he'd ever done, every joke he'd every played, everything he'd ever said- except for the word divorce. That was the cruelest word of all.

Margaret sat the picture down on the bed and realized it was time to get ready for her date.

Nervously, she grabbed her dress and made her way to the bathroom and slipped on her dress. After careful application of her makeup, she looked at the clock and realized it was time to leave. Strangely, she no longer felt nervous, only sad. This should have been date night in her marriage, not with some stranger.

_I put your picture away_

_Sat down and cried today_

_I can't look at you _

_While I'm lying next to him_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The original song lyrics to Picture included references to drugs. I used a substitute word since obviously that is inappropriate for this story.**

_Living my life in a slow hell_

_Different girl every night in a hotel_

_I ain't seen the sun shine in 3 damn days_

Hawkeye Pierce was dressing for the evening, looking forward to his date. She was Belinda Corning, a 28- year old he'd met through his friend Harry. She was blond and willowy, and somewhat shy. The total opposite of his wife, or rather, soon-to-be ex- wife, Margaret. Normally he was not attracted to someone so bashful. He liked boisterous and lively women, ones who were not afraid to give their opinion. But that was no matter. He could carry the conversation. Tonight he just needed to have some company, and Belinda would do. She was certainly pretty, and very nice. He would settle for nice, considering everything he'd been through. Harry had goaded him into asking Belinda out, not that he needed much prodding. Hawkeye had heard it through the grapevine that Margaret herself was going out with another man, an accountant, and he was not about to be left home alone on that very night.

War was hell, but so was divorce. How things had gotten so bad where he couldn't stand to be in the same room as his own wife, he'd never know. They were strangers in their own marriage. They hadn't had a decent conversation in weeks. God knows how long it had been since they'd made love. He missed more than just the act. Sure, it was nice. But he missed her warmth, her touch. Their intimacy brought out a side of her that no one ever got to see. She could be tender and tough at the same time. Margaret could let her guard down, and he appreciated that more than she ever knew. Maybe he never told her that enough. Lord knows he tried, but it seemed it was never enough.

Nothing was ever good enough for her, that was part of the problem. If he told her once that she looked nice it was met with doubt. He would have to reassure her that indeed he did mean that he found her to be beautiful and there were just so many ways he could express that. Of course he knew that about her when he first fell in love with her back in Korea. But somehow he thought that maybe he could compensate for her insecurities by showing her how much he loved her by staying by her side. He never strayed, although he still flirted with other women. That, he could not help. That was in his nature. Lately she'd become resentful of the attention he'd paid to his female friends, even the married ones. Of course, it probably did not help matters that he'd resorted to more of his flirting than usual, not that that he would have crossed the line. But when a man has not had sex in over three months he tends to get a bit restless. Normally it had been three, even four times a week, but that had died down over the past year. He could have gotten past that if it was only Margaret's job stopping them.

But there was more to it than just sex. Honestly, he had his choice of women who he could have been with. Even when he was with Margaret, women threw themselves at his feet. That didn't really matter to him. But no matter how many times that had happened, his mind always went back to his wife. She had a hard time believing that, and he could not blame her. She'd seen him go through more than his fair share of nurses back in Korea. But in his mind he had never given her any reason to doubt his faithfulness during the course of their marriage. Once he decided to marry, he promised himself that he would never lay a hand on another woman. His promise meant something to him. Loyalty and honesty were two of the important values in the world to him. If a couple did not have them in a marriage than their marriage was doomed.

He started hanging out with his friends late at night, which he knew bothered Margaret. They would go out for drinks, maybe watch some television. But he would always make sure he was home in time to kiss her goodbye for work. It was not an every night thing, just on the nights that they fought. Lately that had been happening on a regular basis. It was another point of contention in their marriage, but he always assumed that there would be time to work it out. Never would he imagine that things would get so bad that one of them would walk away, but he did. There were only so many nights of fighting a man could take before leaving with his pride intact.

Hawkeye still wore his wedding ring. He'd never thought about taking it off. It didn't seem right to remove the tie he had to Margaret, even though he was sure that the marriage was over. One day the ring would come off, but not today. Belinda would just have to deal with it. It's not as if he were looking for a commitment. Just the very word made him shudder. He tried it, and it did not work. It was time to get back to who he was. But who was he without Margaret? She'd become part of him, part of his skin, part of his soul. Never had he imagined he'd be living his life without her. He reached over to his dresser drawer and grabbed his bottle of gin and took a long, hard drink. Next to the bottle was his favorite picture of Margaret, sitting on the beach wearing a two piece swimsuit.

_Fueling up on heartache and whiskey_

_Wish I had a good girl to miss me_

_Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways_

He set the picture down, knowing that it wouldn't do him any good to stare at the forbidden image of his wife. She'd closed herself off to him, and for that he resented her deeply. If only she had indicated that she would put their marriage ahead of her career than they might have had a chance. But he knew Margaret too well. Her job was her life, a source of her self-identity. And he never would have felt right asking her to give that up for him. She would have hated him for it, and he would hated himself too. By watching her kill herself working those long work hours he'd put off talking about their marriage and how unhappy he'd felt. Hawkeye himself realized that he didn't know how unhappy he was until that final fight. He'd been telling her that he wanted out for months, but it wasn't until that last night when he said that he wanted a divorce that the separation became real. Once that word came out of his mouth there was no turning back.

Hawkeye Pierce would never go where he wasn't wanted, and Margaret wasn't having any more of his nonsense anymore. She used to know when he needed holding and when to be left alone. But over the past year it seemed as if all she would do was demand he talk to her, and he was never one to respond to ultimatums. He'd hated fighting, and things progressed to the point where he'd rather visit with friends than stay home with his own wife. They made no demands, shared no expectations, and held no grudges. Worse than the fighting was the silent treatment Margaret would give him. He'd never forget the week she'd spent in silence because he wasn't home when she got home from work. As much as he'd begged and pleaded with her, she'd refused to give in which only caused him great distraction at work and in the car. He'd steered off the road in anger, nearly hitting a parked car. That was the beginning of the end.

It had taken him months to realize that they had grown apart, but when it did he realized he'd had no choice but to leave. It would be unfair to Margaret and to him to stay in a marriage where they could no longer grow. As much as it killed him to admit it, she was not the woman he married. Hawkeye knew where he stood with her, and it wasn't in first place. His wants and needs no longer mattered to her, and he just could not see himself staying anymore. Leaving was not easy, and it broke Margaret's heart. For that he could not forgive himself. Maybe if she would have asked him to stay he might have considered it. But she did not put up a fight. It was as if she knew the inevitable was coming. She had watched him pack his bags but said nothing as he said his final goodbyes.

Sure, he'd thought about going back to her. But what would she say to him? He knew his wife, and he knew how badly he had wounded her. Any time that they had had to talk about the house he'd always tried to smooth things over with jokes and informal manners. But she refused to have any of it. Honestly, his wife had stopped laughing at his jokes long before they separated. He always chucked it up to the stress of her job. But a man could only fault an outside influence for so long before realizing that it might not be just the job. They had grown apart, and no amount of jokes could cover up the holes in their marriage. Margaret had ceased being happy, and he could not see the point in staying in a situation that was so unhealthy. If he could go back knowing that Margaret would be able to be herself again then he would leave his hotel room in a heartbeat.

Hawkeye stood up and put Margaret's picture back in his dresser drawer without giving it a final glance. He couldn't afford to romanticize the past, not tonight. Compartmentalizing his feelings was easy; he'd gotten used hiding them with wit and riddles over the years. Figuring out how to get through the night without thinking of his wife was going to be the biggest riddle of all. But he could do it, after all, she had had plenty of opportunity to get in touch with him. He'd silently hoped that she would call him. Maybe, just maybe, they could talk about the future. Talk about the past. Talk about anything, really, just as long as he'd heard her voice. But she'd made it clear that she no longer wanted anything to do with him. And now it was time to move on.

_I put your picture away_

_Sat down and cried today_

_Can't look at you while I'm lying next to her_


	3. Chapter 3

Hawkeye woke up in the arms of his date, and he hated himself. The blonde hair of his date cascaded past her shoulders, longer than his wife's, and he wondered what he was doing. This wasn't what he had planned. All he knew was that he was hit with a bout of conscience the likes of which he hadn't seen in some time. All he could think about was Margaret and how she would feel if she found out. His first instinct was to pick up the telephone and call her, but he knew that all that would do was ease his conscience.

It was not as if he had planned on doing this. All he wanted to do was get to know Belinda. Hawkeye learned a lot about her. She was originally from Ohio, but she moved to Maine when her father transferred for a job. She still considered herself a Buckeye and planned to move back there someday. Between her and Klinger, he figured that Ohio must have been a heck of a state. He liked to think that one day he would travel there, maybe to see his old Army comrade. He and Margaret had often talked about visiting all of their friends from Korea, but so far the only one they'd been able to see was B.J. Somehow he didn't think he'd be welcome in Boston.

He laughed at the thought of visiting Charles Winchester. Margaret would have also laughed with him. That was something that he truly appreciated about her. They didn't always laugh at the same things but she had sure put forth an effort. She did have a terrific sense of humor, especially once he'd gotten to know her. It was amazing how well she'd kept that hidden from the rest of the world. But she had shared it with him, and he missed it terribly. Why the laughter had stopped he could never figure out. And now, after what happened with Belinda, Hawkeye would give anything to see her smile again. He just didn't know if she would be able to.

He knew that Belinda expected to be held, but he just could not do it. Perhaps he was being utterly unfair to her but he just did not care. She was not Margaret, and no woman could ever take her place. This woman beside him did not have his wife's strength, her courage, her wit, her humor, or her beauty. God, he hated himself. What had he done? He had quite possible dug the final nail into the coffin that was their marriage. The former army captain was facing the wall, staring in stone cold silence as he thought about the implications of his actions. Yes, he was the one who had wanted out. But that was before he had taken the hasty action of sleeping with another woman. Physically he felt sick to his stomach, something he'd never experienced after a night of passion. Never before had he regretted being with a woman and this was a new feeling.. Instinctively he fumbled with his wedding ring as he struggled with his actions. That ring had never shone brighter and it hurt his eyes, He took it off and he thought about putting it away but that did not feel right. Quickly he slipped it back on his finger.

_What have I done? What have I done to Margaret? There is nothing in the world that can justify what has happened. I know we're getting a divorce but this isn't right. I don't technically have to explain myself. I'm a free man now. I wanted out. I'm not with her anymore. I don't owe her an explanation. I can do what I want with whomever I want- it's my business, not hers._

Try as he wanted, Hawkeye just could not justify his actions.

"Are you alright? You seem figidty." Belinda spoke up.

"I'm fine. You should try to get some sleep."

"I can't. I've been awake for awhile." She seemed hesitant to talk, as if she were afraid of the conversation. "You seem as if you have something on your mind. Did I do something wrong?"

Hawkeye sighed, not knowing exactly what to say. "No. No. You're fine. Everything's fine. You should try to sleep."

"I can't." she giggled. "Not after last night. I had a really nice time. It was wonderful."

Belinda had rolled over and put her arms around his chest.

"Yeah. It was …nice.", he said politely. He didn't like where this was heading.

"Didn't you have a good time? I thought we had a great time! You were amazing. It's been awhile for me. I normally don't do that sort of thing. Especially on the first date. You know, I'm not that type of girl. I don't know what it is about you but you brought something out in me. And I'm glad you did." She leaned in and kissed him, which he did not return.

Now he felt even worse. The last thing he needed was to feel as if he took advantage of some helpless female. She didn't seem so helpless last night.

"Look, Belinda. I need to level with you." He pulled away and turned over to look at her. "I did have a nice time with you. You're a sweet girl but you should know that I'm married."

She looked at him suspiciously. "I thought that you said that you're getting a divorce."

"I was. I am. My wife and I are two very different people and we just are not compatible. There's no way we can make our marriage work even if we both wanted to. I had to get out before I lost my sanity. I don't have the time or the willingness to talk about everything that went wrong. My wife and I just grew apart, and I say that at the risk of using the oldest line in the book. But it's true. We stopped sharing the same interests a long time ago and we stopped sharing the same bed. I don't think that she understood that I had needs too. It just got too hard. But my marriage has nothing to do with us, Belinda. We made a mistake. Lord knows that I was willing to jump in with both feet but I shouldn't have. I'm grieving the loss of a woman who meant everything to me. She was the love of my life and I feel like I've betrayed her. Nothing can ever come of what's happened between us. You're a great girl and I'm sorry if I've hurt you. Please understand that I'm just not ready for anything serious."

Belinda nodded tearfully. "I can't believe this. I just can't believe this."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't know that I would feel like this. I didn't plan on this happening. I…"

"Oh spare me. I don't need this and I don't need you. I'm sorry that I met you, Benjamin Pierce." She stood up to dress.

There was nothing left to say. Hawkeye was left alone with his thoughts of remorse, guilt and shame. He knew that he should be thinking of Belinda's feelings. As he watched Belinda leave, all he could think about was his soon –to be- ex wife. He could only imagine the pain she would be feeling if she knew, and he vowed that she would never find out.

Meanwhile, across town, someone else was struggling with her own remorse.


	4. Chapter 4

Margaret rolled over in the bed, all tangled in the linen sheets as well as the emotions that were now flooding her mind. She was careful to fix them as to not disturb Art.. Thankfully he was still asleep, although she knew that he would likely wake at any given minute. She wanted to think about who she'd become by lying with a new man when she'd vowed that she wouldn't. Was it the dress? Was it the wine? No matter. What was done was done. She'd lain with a man who was not her husband. She knew there would be a "first time." Margaret had just not been expecting it to happen so quickly.

Art was not so bad. He was a former colonel in the army and had served in Korea. Of course he had spent the evening regaling her of many of his missions. Once she would have found him completely exhilarating and she did find him fascinating enough to continue the evening. But Hawkeye's influence in her life could be felt on the entire date. It was as if she kept expecting her husband to interrupt Art at every turn, to question his authority and to even mock him. Hawkeye did not have to be in the same room as her for his presence to be felt. For every commanding statement that would normally impress the old Margaret, she would wait for a wisecrack that would never come from her husband. She'd caught herself many times over the course of the evening wondering what Hawkeye would think about certain proclamations that Art had made. But she reminded herself that Hawkeye's opinions no longer mattered to her. After all, he was out doing the same thing she was- out enjoying the company of the opposite sex. She refused to spend the evening worrying about her ex-husband. Art was bright, funny, outgoing, and a distinguished gentleman. She most certainly could enjoy herself, Hawkeye be damned.

So she spent the rest of the evening by allowing herself to be enchanted by his tales of army strategy and details, battlegrounds and glory days. She'd witnessed the carnage of the "glory days" but she understood the man's passion for commanding his troops. He'd had very few casualties, and had hated war with a passion. He had considered himself an Army lifer until he'd gotten shot in the foot. They connected over their mutual passion for army life and disdain for waste of human life. Once she opened up to him about the need for rules and regulations in the army she lit up, and he listened. She spoke with such fervor he dared not interrupt her. As it turned out, he was on the same page she was, and they toasted each other over their mutual respect for total discipline. (Which, she thought bitterly, was completely lacking in her own marriage. You'd never catch Hawkeye Pierce celebrating discipline). Another reason Art was looking more and more attractive by the minute.

"Ms. Margaret Pierce, you are a remarkable woman." Art declared as he took her hand.

"I'm just an ordinary woman. Just your ordinary nurse trying to work hard to get what she wants."

"And what do you want?" he asked suggestively.

A picture of Hawkeye kissing another woman flashed through Margaret's mind. Was he kissing her lips, caressing her face, or holding her hands? Was he holding her the way he used to hold Margaret? The thought caused her face to redden with fire which Art mistook for passion.

"This." And she leaned forward to kiss her date, trying desperately to erase the image from her mind.

00000

Once she had rolled over in her sheets and reality had begun to set in, Margaret began to hate herself. She didn't know who to hate more, herself or her ex-husband. If he hadn't been so set on divorcing her, she wouldn't be in this predictiment to begin with. She was in bed with a stranger, something she thought she had outgrown years ago. Hot Lips was back in town. If she didn't look at him then maybe she could pretend he wasn't real. This was all Hawkeye's fault. If only he hadn't decided to start dating again than maybe she wouldn't have gotten herself into this situation. This was just too much, too soon. If all she could think about while lying in bed with someone was her ex-husband than something was definitely not right.

Would this kill him? Certainly Hawkeye wouldn't be so crass as to be intimate with his date already, would he? But she had to be realistic about the situation. If it had happened to her, then in all likelihood Hawkeye had very well slept with his date. Margaret was crushed. There was no turning back. How could he do that to her? Didn't their five years of marriage mean anything to him at all? How could he just throw it away without blinking an eye? Did she mean so little to him that he could just replace her with the first bimbo that he came across? That was the thing that hurt the most, knowing that she was replaceable. She had hoped that Hawkeye would take some time to heal, to process what the loss of the marriage would mean to him. But he could just go on with his life like nothing had ever happened between them. That seemed so callous. Of course, she worried for his well being. Given the choice between his stability and his wearing his heartache on his sleeve she would take stability any day. But it would please her just to see a little hint of feeling from him. He refused to show her that this was causing him any difficulty, and it was killing her. It seemed as if he was doing well, and she should be happy for him. But she was not. It made her wonder if he even looked back at their marriage at all, if he even thought about the good times. There were times she thought about asking what were they fighting for. Sometimes she did not honestly know. But what would he say to her? Would he swallow his pride and admit that he was wrong? Would he be willing to admit that he had made a mistake and that he wanted to come home? Margaret knew her husband, and she just did not see that happening even if that is what she wanted.

Hawkeye would not have her anymore, he had made that clear. And now here was a chance at a fresh start. A nice man who was like her. Disciplined, military, proud. This could work. She needed something to forget about the man who had so coldly broken her heart, and here he was lying next to her. It was time to forget about the past. All it could do was drag her down and bury her in painful memories. She still had her career and her future. No sense in worrying about a situation that was completely out of her control. She recognized it was time to surrender the baggage of her past and move on. Hawkeye would always be part of her, but he could not dictate who are what she did. She would see to that.

_Coming up next: A long lost friend_


	5. Saw you with an old friend

The two men embraced as they greeted each other at the airport. Hawkeye had not seen his best friend, B.J. Hunnicut, in over two years and greatly appreciated the effort he made in visiting him on such short notice. B.J. looked very much the same, although he'd noticed that he'd begun to sport the same facial hair he'd worn in Korea.

"Again with the mustache? Last time I'd seen you you'd gotten rid of that cheesy thing. I thought Peg would gotten rid of it permanently." Hawkeye commented as he grabbed his friend's suitcase from his hand.

"Yeah well they say that everything old is new again. She doesn't mind it too much. Erin gets a kick out of it whenever I kiss her goodnight. I think I'm going to stick with it for awhile."

"Are you hungry? We'll go to Gibby's- the lobsters practically crawl there themselves begging to be served."

"That sounds fine." B.J. smiled as he thought of his friend's fondness for the local cuisine. "Can't wait till we get there."

00000

Margaret sighed as she waited for her date. It was going to be a great evening, she could tell. She'd selected a ruby gown with a matching necklace along side a pair of black pointed high heels. She'd been burning the telephone line every night with Art, talking about everything from their common backgrounds to their goals for the future. He was open and inviting, a nice change from the brick wall her ex-husband had been in the last few months of their relationship.

"Margaret, you look wonderful.", a delighted Art declared as he took in the sight of his date.

"This old thing? I didn't really have that much time to get ready so I just threw something together." She feigned modesty, secretly loving the attention he was paying her. The look on his face as he opened the door was worth every minute she'd spent getting ready.

"Are you ready to leave now? Are you in the mood for seafood? I know a great place. Not too crowded but the food is to die for."

"Sounds lovely." She locked the door behind her and they made their way to Gibby's restaurant.

00000

"So you pulled your troop back and stopped them from entering a mine field:? Oh how brave, how chivalrous!" Margaret declared as she stepped out of the car. Art, of course, was holding the door open for her."Why there's a medal for you right there."

"I did receive a medal. I don't like boasting about doing something that anyone would have done. But yes, that was a difficult day for the troops that day. Morale was shot. So I thought of a contest where the winners each got a three day pass. Had to keep morale high after an incident like that. My boys and I had an understanding. I just couldn't let them go through something like that and not give them a little something."

"I understand. That sounds like something Colonel Potter would have done. I'm glad you did it." She smiled. As she entered the restaurant she listened to more of his tales of leading the troops, which she could listen to all night. They were still laughing until they were seated behind a certain dark haired surgeon and his fair haired surgeon friend.

"B.J. Hunnicut! Is that you? I can't believe it, I just can't believe it!"

B.J. stood up and embraced his friend, to the discomfort of Hawkeye Pierce.

"It is so good to see you again! How have you been? You look wonderful!" Margaret declared, before turning her focus to her ex-husband.

"I'm doing well. Listen, I'm so happy to have seen you. I just got into town a few hours ago. Hawkeye and I are just getting a bite to eat. Why don't you join us?"

Hawkeye sat up in his seat. "Yeah, why don't you join us?" he said, quite insincerely. The last thing he wanted to do was see his wife, ex- wife rather out on a date.

"Really? We'd love to!" Margaret said as she introduced Art to everyone.

"So, Art, are you from Maine?" B.J. asked as Hawkeye sulked.

"I was born and raised in Crabapple Cove, then I joined the service when I was eighteen. I would have joined when I was fifteen if I could have. How about you? Did you grow up in these parts?"

"Yes." The dark haired surgeon replied curtly. Margaret glared at him.

"I see that you're married, do you have any children?" Art asked B.J, who grinned from ear to ear.

" I have two amazing, beautiful children." He pulled out a picture from his wallet and passed it around. "This is Erin and Mike."

"Handsome family you have there."

"They're beautiful." Margaret agreed. She looked over at the picture but she couldn't take her eyes off of Hawkeye. He looked better than she remembered. It had been too long since she'd seen him. Had he been taking care of himself? Had he been sleeping? This wasn't the time or the place to ask so she made a mental note to call him. He was drinking, that much hadn't changed. She frowned.

"What are you looking at?" Hawkeye asked.

"Nothing. I was just thinking… about work." She lied.

"Speaking of beautiful, did you know Margaret just received a promotion to head nurse?' Art offered.

Hawkeye was flabbergasted. "No, you never told me that. I'm so happy for you." And he was. He had so many questions he wanted to ask her. Did this mean she would get better hours? Would she get a better shift? Would she get the kind of life that she deserved- the kind of life they should have had? He opened his mouth to say something but he watched Art put his hand on Margaret's back instead.

"What's the matter, are you cold? I can offer you my jacket." He said sarcastically.

Margaret shot him a look while Art pulled his hand back and took Margaret's hand into his.

"So, B.J. How's California?" Margaret asked, trying to ignore the presence of Hawkeye's ever watching eyes. It was hard not to pay attention to him. He looked as handsome as ever, with his piercing blue eyes staring right at her.

"It's wonderful. I have a small practice that's growing; we had to hire an assistant so it doesn't take me away from Peg. We're expanding on the house..And the family." He grinned. "No news yet but within the next year Mike and Erin should have a little brother or sister."

"That's wonderful news. I can't imagine it happening to a better guy." Margaret grinned. Then, out of force of habit, Margaret made a comment that was sure to capture Hawkeye's attention.

"Art would like to have kids someday."

"So would I." Hawkeye commented. Margaret kicked him in the shin.

"There's a step behind your chair, and with your heels you might be more comfortable somewhere else." Hawkeye commented as he sipped his water.

Margaret glared at him. "Don't you mean you'd be more comfortable?"

"No, I just thought that…."

"Whatever you're thinking, don't. I don't care. That's the beauty of divorce. I don't have to care anymore. Excuse me, B.J. It was wonderful seeing you, really it was, but I don't think I'm so hungry anymore." She got up and threw the napkin on the table. Art had the sense not to follow her. Instead he waited a minute before excusing himself.

She couldn't believe that he would make a comment about wanting kids. She couldn't picture him having kids with anyone else, that would be too cruel. She just assumed that he would never want any. It was just too soon to think about moving on. True, she was dating again but she was beginning to think she was making a serious mistake. Seeing Hawkeye stirred up feelings that she'd forgotten that she'd had. He'd always known how to hurt her, but he always knew how to make things right. In a way she was waiting for him to apologize and to cut to the quick with one of his famous jokes. She'd forgotten how much she loved the way he made her laugh. No one on earth could make her laugh the way he did. In the toughest of times she could count on him to make her smile. Why did they stop laughing? Maybe if they hadn't stopped they would still be together. Now she was thinking crazy thoughts. There was no point in thinking about what might have been. She had her job, and she was dating again. She knew that she would be considered by some to be a catch. So why couldn't she get Hawkeye Pierce out of her mind?

B.J. and Hawkeye sat in stony silence for a few minutes.

"What was that about?" B.J. asked.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Something happened back there and I think we should talk about it. You can barely stand to be in the same room as the woman you once loved passionately. It may be none of my business but it seems to me like you pushed her away not because you don't care anymore but because you do care. A lot."

"You're right Beej. It is none of your business." Hawkeye threw his napkin on the table. Suddenly he wasn't very hungry anymore himself. Seeing his ex-wife with another man had a way of throwing a damper on what should have been a very happy occasion. Instead of laughing with B.J. he was picturing Margaret and her military boyfriend. He had a hard time picturing what she saw in him, much as he did with any of her other beaus. It wasn't right that he should have run into her that night of all nights. Margaret was right. The thing about divorce was that he wasn't supposed to care anymore. Why did he feel this way then? She'd moved on, it was obvious by the way she looked at her date. She hadn't looked at him that way in a long time. He was trying to move on, but seeing her with another man made it that much more difficult. He would move on, but it would take a long time.


End file.
